I Am A Tyrant!

Some dogs like to rule their humans as benevolent dictators.  Some let their humans believe they're in charge.  A few unfortunate ones (not Chessies) are even content to let the humans set the rules.  I, on the other hand, think it's best to be up front with my humans right from the beginning.  I am in charge, and they exist solely to assist me in my plans for world domination.  Their opposable thumbs, ready access to transportation, and high speed connectivity make them excellent minons.

I've been reasonably patient with them so far, but it's about time they get with the program.  The first thing they need is a laser like focus on me.  To this end, I've upped my barking regimen.  Any time I notice they've gotten slightly distracted from me, I bark.  In order to keep things interesting, I also bark at toys, treats, and just for fun.  Next, they need to know that they go where I want them to, when I want them to.  I've noticed Marty thinks she can walk down the stairs whenever she wants, without offering me freeze-dried liver on every step.  I've had to take a stern position on this, growling and biting at her feet whenever she goes without my permission.  Finally, they need to understand that all good things belong to me.  This means my toys are mine, but so are their shoes, all electrical cords, every piece of furniture, and the warm spot on the couch.  I may choose to let them share these things, but they are mine, and my primacy must be respected.  The crazies are having a hard time learning the fundamental tenets of their new lifestyle, and I am increasingly frustrated with them. 

Yesterday was the second consecutive day that my humans did not introduce me to any new people.  #HumanFail.  Navidson did come over for a playdate, and I stayed awake this time.  We played together a little bit, but mostly we played separately, but at the same time.  My grandhuman says this is called "parallel play" and is a stepping stone toward us playing together later.  Tonight I have the wild dog school, so we will definitely be meeting new people and dogs today.

They continue to lock me in my box not just at night, but also whenever they leave to do anything else (another example of their failure to understand their lives revolve around me now).  I do not appreciate this, and so I bark to make sure they know I'm displeased.  This morning Marty started playing something called "crate games" with me.  It seems to mean that if I stay in the box even with the door open, then I get chicken.  More on that after I figure out why she wants me to do this.