The Farm

I had ADVENTURES today!

After the crazies *finally* got moving (it took them a while, despite me getting them up about seven; I think this had something to do with whatever it was they were doing last night while I had to stay with my grandhuman), we got in the car and drove up to the farm.  It's my new favorite place.  I'm allowed to run around and be awesome, instead of being cooped up in the tiny rectangle they usually let me play in.  There's so much to smell, and so much to do.  I marched Lyle down to change out the memory card on the wildlife cam, so I expect some really great pictures of me next week.  Inspecting everything was a big job, and I was pretty worn out from that, so I was on my best behavior when I met my great-grandhuman.  The very first words he said when he saw me were, "Patrick will grow!"  I'm not sure why he thinks my name is Patrick, but Marty says this is a reference to a book he used to read her and her littermates when they were puppies.

After I'd hung out with him for a while (and had a short nap) it was time to go visit Aunt Becky, so we got in the truck and drove to Baltimore.  I've pretty much decided that being sick in the car isn't a good plan, considering that crazies seem like they're always on the road.  So now I just chillax and nap or look out the window.  I'm officially a "truck riding dog"!



Aunt Becky is so cool.  She bought me a present just for coming to visit her.  My very own wrapping paper!  (There was a cow too, but I like the paper best.)  I left her a benevolent bestowment to thank her for her hospitality, but Marty picked it up in a bag and threw it in the trash!  I go out of my way to leave special, personal, one of a kind gifts for people, and they treat them like poop!



Marty and Aunt Becky were looking around the house and talking about boring human things, so I decided it would be a good time to work on training Lyle.  I'm trying to teach him to be calm and settle down.  He's catching onto this pretty quickly.

We went back to the farm for dinner, and I got to meet a new big dog that lives next door.  His name is Ziggy and he's part Anatolian Shepherd.  I was a little intimidated at first, but he's really friendly, so I played with him for a few minutes.  Marty wanted to get some pictures, but I told her to wait until next time.  Ziggy hadn't signed any waivers, and my PR people like to be sure I always get top billing.  We'll try to set something up for our next playdate.

After the crazies ate dinner they played some weird game about peeing on knuckles.  I'm really working hard at demonstrating that we're only supposed to pee on grass, so I just took a nap while they were doing that.  Then we had to get back in the car to come home.  My grandhuman is leaving in the morning, and we've got a big week planned.

Tomorrow is my first day of school already, and since I haven't done any of my homework, I'm really planning to embarrass the crazies.  More on that topic soon!

Pooping on Marty

I slept okay last night.  They put the zombie dog in the box with me again, he still refuses to communicate.  I screamed for a while, but the crazies continue to be jerks and ignored me.  I got up about 3:30 again and this time Lyle took me out.  I got put back in the box when we came back in, I made a token protest but I was still exhausted so it was short lived.  I wanted them to get up and play at six, but they are lazy slugs, so they made me go back to sleep until after eight.  I clearly have a lot of work to do in order to get them accustomed to their new lifestyle.

Once they finally got up, Marty played with me and got me all wound up.  Lyle had already given me some food, and so I needed to poop.  I started pooping, and Marty grabbed me, so I pooped in her hand.  What would *you* do if someone stuck their hand under your butt while you were pooping?!  I mean, really!  Talk about inappropriate!

After all the drama from that was over, we played for a little longer, and I worked on teaching the crazies to use a Kong toy.  It's important for them to have some intellectual stimulation.  All that training work wore me out, so Lyle sang me a lullaby and I'm going to take a nap now!

Meeting My Grandhuman and the Vet

Marty's mom (my grandhuman) came up last night to meet me.  Apparently, the crazies are going to some buffet thing tomorrow.  I thought if it were food, they would definitely want me to go, but they said it's a concert.  So much for "focusing on the puppy".  My grandhuman is pretty cool though, good thing they have her because someone seriously needs to talk some sense into them.  She tells them things like they should feed me more!

The place outside where they want me to pee is a lot of fun, and it's right next to the bushes, which I like to hide under.  Marty doesn't like for me to climb under there and hide, so she borrowed a fence from the neighbors and now I can't get to the bushes.  She said it's all fine, well, and good to fish me out while I'm a baby, but she doesn't want to have to drag me out when I'm a big dog.

I had already met the people who come over and take care of Marty and Lyle.  (My grandhuman says they are incapable of independent living, so they had to hire someone to come in and keep them from living in filth and squalor.)  They think I'm so cool that they brought the rest of the family over to meet me too.  I was really good and they wanted to keep me, but Marty said no way.  I am going to be allowed to visit and play, but I live with Marty and Lyle.

Despite my protestations, the crazies hauled me off to see the vet.  Everyone there was VERY excited to meet me, and they acted like Marty and Lyle were long lost friends.  They gave me a bandana and took my picture and looked at my eyes and my ears and other personal areas.  I weighed twelve and a half pounds.  Marty was worried that means I've lost weight since they've had me (see, my grandhuman is right), but the vet said it was probably just different scales and not to worry about it.  They were supposed to bring some poop in to get checked, but I refused to poop after the chicken explosion in the morning.  I didn't get any shots (I TOLD them I was a perfectly healthy puppy!).  Dr. Richards said I was handsome and perfect (I could have told them that too, but I was trying to be modest).  I think she's pretty cool.  Here's the embarrassing thing, I have fleas!  I definitely didn't have them when I left my littermates, so I must have gotten them here.  I guess we live in a bad part of town.  Dr. Richards gave Marty some stuff to put on my back that will kill the fleas and keep them from coming back.  

As soon as we got home, Marty put me inside the fence and I pooped.  It's important to teach your humans that they live on your schedule, otherwise they start to believe they're in charge.  Marty made me take some pill that supposed to keep me from getting worms.  I refused to eat it until they smothered it in chicken.  Haha, I will teach them that they can't make me stick to kibble!  We went on another car ride to get dinner, and this time I just slept without puking.  It was a big day!

The Big Move

Yesterday was the big day!  The crazies came to pick me up and take me to live with them.  I was a little disappointed they didn't bring Aunt Becky this time, but they promised I will see her on Sunday, so I guess it's okay.  I said goodbye to my littermates and the big dogs, but when I was getting ready to leave one of the big dogs jumped over the fence to tell the crazies they'd better take extra special good care of me!  They promised they were going to and I told him it would be okay, so he went back in the fence and we got on the road.  I cried a little at first (leaving home for the first time is always a little scary and upsetting), but then I settled down and took a name in Marty's lap.  (Now that I'm living with them, they've asked me to use their names.)

When we finally got home, I practiced peeing outside for them and they gave me some chicken.  Then we came inside and I sniffed around for a while and took another nap.  Everytime I pee outside, I get a piece of chicken, so that's pretty cool.  When I pee inside I don't get any chicken, not sure what's up with that.  One time when I was outside peeing, I got to meet one of the neighbors.  They have a human puppy and he seemed happy to meet me.  I got more chicken for being nice to the other humans.

That wore me out, so I took another nap.  After I got up, I went to work with Marty for a couple of hours and took another nap.  She has a water bowl and a chewy for me there, but I was too tired to play.  I got chicken for peeing outside there too!

When we got home I took another nap, and then when Lyle came home we played fetch.  They have a little tennis ball my size, and they get all excited when I bring it to them.  I am learning that humans are easily amused.  You know what doesn't amuse them?  When I chew on their clothes.  They don't seem to mind if I chew on their arms (as long as I don't bite down), but every time I even just touch their precious clothes, it's all "that's not a chew toy" and they move me off.  They're so uptight.  I like to climb under the coffee table and hide my ball there.  They laugh because they think I'm not going to be able to do that for very long.

When we went to bed they made me sleep IN A BOX!  I screamed and yelled for about ten minutes but nothing I could do made them let me out, and that wore me out so I finally just went to sleep.  They put this weird blue zombie dog in there with me.  He's okay to snuggle with, but something is seriously off with him.  I think he may be "special needs".  I woke up once in the middle of the night and Marty took me outside and let me pee (I got more chicken), but then she put me back in the box.  I cried but they're mean and made me stay in the box.  I was still pretty tired, so I went back to sleep.

We got up early this morning and Lyle took me out.  After that it was time for breakfast.  I took turns taking kibble from each of them.  I don't want them to think I have a favorite yet.  We played with toys upstairs for about an hour and then Lyle had to go to work.  Just as I was settling in for a nap with Marty, she got a phone call and she put me in my box.  I WAS SO MAD!  I threw a big fit, but she just ignored me.  After a while, just when I had given up and settled down, she took me out and put me back in the car for a trip to work.

I got to meet a lot of humans at work this time (last night there were no humans).  They were all really excited to meet me.  I peed outside again, but this time I didn't get any chicken.  Marty didn't bring something she was supposed to, so we had to go BACK to the house.  This time one of her human friends (his name is Dustin) went with us and I rode on his lap.  We went back to the office and they put me down and I pooped.  I think I've had too much chicken, because they made a lot of noise about how that wasn't normal looking poop.  Then we got back in the car to drive home.  I wasn't feeling very good and I threw up on Marty.  She didn't get mad.  Apparently when she was a puppy, she threw up in cars a lot too.  She did put me back in the horrible box though, so I threw another fit.  It didn't work, again, so I'm taking a nap.

My grandhuman is coming up to meet me tonight, and I have to go to the vet, so I need to rest up.  Stay tuned, I'll be updating soon!

Meeting The Crazies (and Aunt Becky)

Super exciting day!  The crazies came to visit me this afternoon.  As soon as I saw my Aunt Becky I decided this is going to work out fine.  I let her hold me first, so the crazies could practice their patience.    I was really good and I didn't "ruuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnnn" anything.

There were some other humans here to adopt my brother.  They were okay too, but I don't think he's going to have as much fun as I will.  Luckily, they really loved my brother's "mask", so they didn't try to steal me or anything.

The crazies were pretty chill, they mostly just wanted to snuggle me.  They did try to get me to chase a tennis ball, but I refused.  I don't want them to think they're in charge of me.  I showed them how to use their hands to help me learn about bite inhibition, and I demonstrated how nicely I can pee outside.  Aunt Becky took a lot of pictures.  (The guy crazy took four.) 

My mom came and hung out with us a little too.  She even let us eat a little (we mostly eat puppy food now).  She won't admit it, but I think she's about ready for us to go to our new homes.

The crazies went out and played with the big dogs for a long time.  The big dogs really seemed to like them, and the crazies seemed like they know what they're doing too, so I'm feeling a lot better about them.

Only a few more days and I'll be going to live with the crazies!

Upcoming Visit

The crazies are coming to visit me on Friday.  Christopher is letting us pick our people, so I'm going to make the crazies think that I'm going to go home with some other humans.  It'll be a fun game.

Actually though, I'm pretty excited to meet them after everything I've heard.  They're not allowed to take me home on Friday; I get to hang out with my litter for another week after that to practice how hard to bite each other and stuff like that.

Too Busy To Write

Hello Everyone.

Sorry I've been quiet for a while, but I told Christopher that maybe if we ignored the crazies for a while, they'd settle down.  It didn't work though, because that just made them call instead of emailing.

Anyway, things here have been super exciting the last couple of weeks.  We're allowed to go outside now, and we have discovered all kinds of interesting things.  Grass!  More big dogs like our mom!  A lawn mower!  Leaves!

It's only a couple of weeks now until I go to live with the crazies.  I have to admit, even with everything I've heard about them, I'm getting a little excited.

Here's a picture of me and my littermates.